CHANGE!

Hey lovers  So m back to work today, and I’m not gonna lie, there was a slight twinge of disappointment when I got to the office to see that it was open, the whole flooding issue had been completely fixed and forgotten about, and well, it was open. Apparently its Mumbai and people here have become so used to rain that it hardly matters to them! But to me its a complete nightmare..i haven't seen soooooo much rain in my life...so in that teeny-weeny heart inside m missing Bangalore like hell..;( Most importantly am missing my gang of buddies..in 1.7 years u all had become so dear to me...misshhh u all very much...! >>Change #1 it is..

In my small 10 minute break today I had a look at the jobs in the newspaper; there is stuff going, but it’s so annoying how every job requires someone with “previous experience”. Like, how am I supposed to get anywhere?! I need the experience from you, where else can I have possibly got it from for you to give me your sodding job?! Just a little frustrating. Especially as my house rent is coming up plus a whole heap of birthdays, and I’m naturally worried about how in hell I’m gonna survive the next month...I want to do something just for ME...dats y the job search...! >> Change #2 it is..

And while I’m at it, the freaking manager is not ready to accept my plea for a project change..! Um, what? There’s no work as it is ..yet they hire somebody else?! So my hours are plummeting again next week which is just such a first world mare. OK, OK, enough moaning  God, please just help me to take this decision of my life ...my career is decided by just how my manager will react to my resignation as i just got transferred here a month back from Bangalore..oops hard task for him..!! More for me..;(... >> Change #3 it is..

I’m looking at jobs now while I’m writing this post, and I have to say, completely unsugarcoated- it’s depressing (oops, moaning again, oh no sorry!). Like, I don’t even know what I’m looking for, what I want to do, anything. I would give anything just to want to do something, you know?! Obviously my WRITING is my dream( for that matter DANCE is my passion) but until I can actually get something out there it’s not really gonna pay the bills at this stage in my life, not just yet anyhow. I want something for now, even if it isn’t my whole future career or whatever. But just something I’m interested in and want to do would be nice, you know? pressing F1....! >> Change #4 it is... 

OK, Niu, stop complaining about jobs  It’s not gonna help the situation! I’ve even posted with advice on getting a job before, I’m being a hypocrite now  Just give me your temporary sympathy, then slap me and tell me to sort my life out. Gotta be positive about this eh 

So anyhow, after work today it was off to the coffee shop with my friend for a much needed catch up. We talked about open days, dramas, college, job and tattoo. A tattoo is something I’ve kind of always sort of wanted, but at the same time not been overly bothered about. I’d like one, but cos I’m so indecisive and change my mind so often I wouldn’t like one at the same time. Obviously, with a tattoo you have to be dead sure you want it, and as yet I’ve not found anything I want. I know… pal, learn to make a decision once in a while…quoted my best friend Rucha..>> Change #5 it is..

Same was the case while i was in a relationship. I gave that relation everything..faith, trust, loyalty, honesty and so much LOVE..but when i thought to get serious with him i was so startled and coudn't decide what to do. I knew i loved him but was he the "one" was so hard to know..! Result >> a big tear- eyed Breakup..;'( Feels hurtful and so lonely after that..but still i see him today and think i was right ...so damn right...he couldn't have being my partner for life ...NO a big NO...so very happiiieeee:-) Change #6 it is (BEST CHANGE of my LIFE)..

Being indecisive is a supremely irritating first world problem. I actually hate it about myself. Why can’t I just decide?! Why is it so hard for me to decide on a job I’d like to do, a tattoo I’d like to have, which freaking watch and sandal to wear each day, which bloody sandwich to have for my lunch. I know I’m going on a bit, but I’m just annoyed with myself today  And keeping with past, I need to forgive myself. For being an indecisive loon 

I just wish sometimes that I knew what I was doing! My whole life I’ve just gone about not knowing what will come next, leaving every decision to the last minute. I have got by (just about), but sometimes I just think it would be nice for me to have an action plan, to know where I’m actually going and what I’m aiming for. A decision! 

OK, I shall actually make a decision now, and decide to end this post before I moan you all to death  It’s not actually been a bad day you know! I did have a laugh with Ruch, and it is her birthday in coming which is also exciting  ah yes, there are drunken times in the foreseeable future! :D

For now though, much love! Niu xxx